The Joy Of Cooking: With Hannibal Lecter
by TheMusicalPoet
Summary: The title says it all.


While Hannibal Lecter is notorious for his status as a serial killer, it is to be noted that he is classier than we give him credit for.

_This cunning and linguistic doctor is not only a connoisseur of committing crimes, but he is a connoisseur of fine dining as well. He was only ever recognized for having eaten his victims, not for creating fantastic, and well-planned meals to entertain himself, or sometimes guests, while doing so. His approach to disposing of a body was appalling, and yet it was never entirely barbaric or distasteful. In fact, it is perverse cuisine perfection._

_Here, then, is one of the doctor's favourite recipes:_

The JOY of COOKING – A Clever Favourite

By Hannibal Lecter, M.D.

INTRODUCTION

When cooking for yourself, for a friend, or for a small soiree, it is important to use the utmost quality of food and drink. It is important to be considerate to guests and provide necessary silverware and platters, handkerchiefs, glasses, and, of course, proper etiquette. While courtesy is something you must pick up on your own, I intend to offer what little I can to start you on your way to creating the perfect, delecterble evening.

Our first embarkment starts with… meat:

ABOUT MEATS

When a first time cook approaches a selection of meat, it is important that they consider their choice, and the effect it is going to have on their palate. Just like in life, meat can behave in the pan, or on the tongue in a surprising or unexpected way.

Tender cuts, you should note, lie in those sections where the least body movement and stress occurs, for example the not-so-talented fingers of the late Benjamin Raspail. Respond to this with dry heat cooking: roasting, broiling, pan-broiling and sautéing.

Meats with more connective tissue will need very slow cooking with moisture: braising, stewing, fricasseeing, pot roasting or poaching. Depending on time restraint, sometimes a quick bite at the first vulnerable section of the selected meal will suffice. Be sure to chew thoroughly.

ABOUT THE GRADING OF MEAT

Before you plunge into purchasing a fresh body, a few words about the selection of meat at your fingertips; perhaps literally.

Prime: Prime meats are not commonly available in neighbourhoods, or neighbourhood markets. Lean portions, unless the meat is aged (but in no way overaged), are bright red and well-marbled with fat. This meat is very expensive and should be sought out in less pocket rendering ways, and in more profile enhancing ways.

Choice: Choice meats have less fat, and are darker in both of these portions. It is tender, and juicy and should not ever be put to waste.

Good and Standard meats have even less fat and are usually taken from younger animals. I would not advise eating the young ones, however. I find it uncouth to take away the lives of those who have yet to live. Clearly not a meat selection of my preference.

ABOUT PURCHASING/CATCHING MEAT

Obvisouly, purchasing meat is not too much of a concern. Ideally, you would walk into a store, select a cut of meat, and leave.

However, this is not the case for some of the more do-it-yourself kind of people. Generally, it is good to wait for hunting season before catching smaller, wild game. For those who… yearn for a more exotic, less legal taste, it is best to take some precautions.  
When catching a human prey, it is best to act friendly and approachable before striking. At best, do not let yourself be seen and sneak up behind them with a chemical swab or knife. Never panic when a situation becomes messy, and make sure to keep screaming to a dull moan. Should the situation arise that you are caught in a legal dilemma, you will regret that you are not as cunning and clever as myself.

Bon apetit!

RECIPE #1:  
Braised Leg of Mutton or Chilton

While mutton is one of my most favourite meals, this main course proverb is not for everyone.

I hope that those who are against the digestion of mutton, or lamb, will forgive me.

But you cannot save them all, can you Clarice?

**This makes about 8 Servings**  
If cooked this way, the flavour is almost like venison.

Remove the fell from:

A 5 lb. leg of mutton or Chilton 

You may place the meat for several hours in a marinade, I enjoy the sassaties sauce or marinade, or you may rub it all over with a **cut clove of garlic**.  
Rub the meat with:  
**Butter**  
Melt in a heavy pan:  
**¼ cup fat or drippings**  
Brown the meat in it on all sides. Add:  
**4 cups boiling stock**  
Cover the pot. Simmer the meat until tender, allowing 30 minutes to the pound.

Add boiling water, if necessary. After the meat has cooked for 1 hour, add:  
**2 small whole onions**

**3 peppercorns  
3 cloves  
A sprig of thyme or ½ teaspoon  
dried thyme  
½ bay leaf  
**When the meat is tender, remove from the pot. Season with:  
**Salt  
**Place the meat where it will remain hot.  
Serve with **caper sauce**, and **pureed turnips**, and a **red bordeaux wine**served at room temperature.

For desert, include chocolate gelatin chiffon pie. Recipe available through _The Joy of Cooking_.


End file.
